<aside> 👍🏽 Status: Real (sort of)

</aside>

Areas J, K, L, and so forth are tongue-in-cheek references to non-existent places—often used by military NCOs, as inside jokes during low-level hazing of new guys; basically getting them to run pointless errands. It’s not a universal thing at all, but is very common within Army combat units.

<aside> 💡 Example Usage: from Sergeant “Bart” Owns, Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri

</aside>

“You there—fuck face. Go to the motor pool and get the keys to area J from Sergeant Jones.”

As a new guy, similar to being ordered to find the keys to Area J, you might be instructed to locate equipment that doesn’t exist (eg: go get a gallon of blackout fluid from the motor pool) or to perform a task that would waste several hours of time (eg: deflate all the winter air out of that humvee, and replace it with summer air).

Area J in The Masters (by floor)

<aside> 😜 Status: Fake

</aside>

Bolded items are the departments mentioned or alluded to in the story.

1. The Unknown
2. The Unknowable
3. History & Autobiographical reasoning
4. Illusions of Explanatory Depth
5. Metaphysics
6. Ontology & Linguistics — headed by Dr. Vandyck (see: Vandyck, Marijuana Pepsi (phd))
7. Disaster Recovery